I work in adult video.
Not that kind. I make documentary films about families and couples. But I’ve been opening with that line at parties for years because it’s technically true and the reactions are priceless.
Anyway. Valentine’s Day. Here’s the thing about love that I’ve learned from filming hundreds of couples: the good stuff is never what you expect.
Nobody sits in front of my camera and talks about the fancy dinner or the jewelry or the surprise trip to Paris. They talk about the Tuesday night when the car broke down and they sat on the curb eating gas station sandwiches and laughing until their sides hurt. They talk about the fight that almost ended everything and the conversation at 2 AM that saved it. They talk about the boring years, the ones where nothing dramatic happened but they just kept showing up for each other.
That’s love. It’s not cinematic. It’s not Instagram-worthy. It’s showing up on the days when you don’t particularly feel like it.
I’ve filmed couples married 60 years. I’ve filmed couples married 6 months. And the ones who seem happiest, across the board, share a few things.
They still make each other laugh. Not performative comedy. Just the dumb inside jokes that nobody else would find funny. The shorthand that comes from decades of shared context. One woman told me her husband still does the same impression of her mother that he did on their third date. It’s terrible. She loves it.
They tell stories together. Not at each other, but together. He starts the story, she corrects the details, he argues, she wins. Every time. The rhythm of it is beautiful. I’ve filmed enough couples to know that the ones who can co-narrate their own history are the ones who are still writing it.
They admit they got lucky. Not in a “lightning struck” way. In a “we chose each other and then kept choosing each other and somehow it worked” way. There’s humility in that.
So here’s my Valentine’s Day advice, for whatever it’s worth coming from a filmmaker and not a therapist. Skip the overpriced dinner. Sit down with your person and talk about the beginning. The first date. The first fight. The moment you knew. Record it on your phone, at minimum. Those stories are worth more than anything in a jewelry box.
And if you want to turn those stories into something permanent, Heritage Films makes documentary films about real love stories. No scripts, no actors, no nonsense. Just the two of you, telling the truth. yourheritagefilm.com